Overprotected

My parents always say that I complained a lot about how overprotective they were. I don't really remember this, but I suppose it's probably true. I remember one particular incident when I wanted to ride in car with a group of kids to visit my then-boyfriend at RIT—in a snowstorm. That discussion ended in a big argument and a big fat no. I also remember a particular evening, while home visiting from college, when I went out and drank way too much, arriving home after my curfew. I found my mother awake and hysterical. There had been an accident not far from our home and she thought it was me. I can't say I did a lot to cause them concern (that they knew about), but I did enough.


Irony is a funny thing, since I've gone from being the one who is overprotected to being the overprotector. I believe there are many reasons for this, including the wake-up call delivered by the events of 9/11 (it may sound naive, but that was the first time I ever really realized that people would hurt innocent others). Those events rocked me to my core and made me a little afraid of everything. Then there was the time we were visiting Lake Placid and Luke, age 3, went missing for close to 10 minutes. I will never forget that particular feeling. I could also blame my own overprotected childhood, my anxiety or how different the world really is.


I believe every generation feels this way to some extent, but for this generation of parents I really believe it to be true. The rapid proliferation and advancement of media and technology has taken old fears (predators, child sexual abuse, availability and ease of getting drugs, etc.) to new levels of concern. The world IS very different than if was even five or ten years ago—many previous generations didn’t have to worry about sexting, crystal meth, ecstasy, AIDS, online predators or what their child is tweeting about or posting on Facebook.


The development of personal safety items also plays into it. Car seats, bicycle helmets, e-mail monitoring systems, parental controls and the locked containers sold at pharmacies to protect your prescription medications remind us of just how dangerous the world can be. Over availability of information through social media and 24-hour news outlets also factor in heavily—a quick Google search warned me of the toxicity of chemicals in car seats, how pesticides may cause cancer, how the medications meant to treat depression may actually cause suicidal tendencies, how getting hit in the chest by a baseball can cause cardiac arrest, how the concussions caused by playing football can be deadly and how all of our bottles should be BPA-free.


The thought of trying to keep our children safe can become overwhelming—which brings me to what I think may be the biggest issue—we can’t keep them safe. In the book, Beautiful Boy, author and father of a former addict, David Sheff says “My children will live with or without me. It is a staggering realization as a parent, but one that ultimately frees us to let our children grow up. [We live in] a world of contradictions, wherein everything is gray and almost nothing is black and white. There is much good, but to enjoy the beauty, the love, one must bear the painful.” How hard that is to accept. I just hope that all along the way our children know how much we love them and that when we aim to protect them, it really comes from that place. God willing, some day they will be 42, with families of their own. At that point, I hope they will barely be able to remember how overprotective we were, and just remember the love.